I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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