how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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