It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
sex in a hospital.. check
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
