I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
