i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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