you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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