I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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