my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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