Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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