Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
