Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
