Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think I just sharted jello shots
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
