At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
