i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
