I puked a lego.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
