hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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