You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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