OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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