ya dads aren't the best wingmen
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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