i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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