It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
