P.S. I can't hear my feet
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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