I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
