imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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