And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
