I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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