he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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