Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
