I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
