He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My ass is underappreciated
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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