i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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