I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
