You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
