How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
