So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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