I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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