I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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