you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
