So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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