why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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