Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
