The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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