so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
