maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
