The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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