at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
