I'm sorry my penis didn't work
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
