i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
