Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
two words...techno handjob
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
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