My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
