I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
