2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
