No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
