He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
