whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
